Navigating Holiday Stress: Mastering Family Interactions with Boundaries
The festive period, particularly Christmas, is a time for joy, reflection, and family connections. However, the coming together of extended family can sometimes introduce stress, particularly regarding in-law interactions. It can happen easily, each family unit has its own culture and values. In bringing the family-units together, it can be a bit like trying to mix oil and water, you can shake it up as much as you like, but somethings just don’t mix. It can be stressful trying to be true to your values, maintain your energy while also doing your best to connect with others who have a different way of doing life, even when the differences are subtle. Tension can be created via small moments, comments, expressions and body language, and more obvious moments such as conversation topics, who helps with cooking and clean-up. Less personalised challenges can be noise levels, locations and time-schedules. The tension is really a difference in ways of being and preferences. To be objective, neither is right or wrong, it’s a matter of knowing your own needs and as an adult you have the responsibility to care for and manage your own needs. You also have the right to hold preferences. You want a post-Christmas-lunch nap? Go for it! Join the back-yard cricket when you are good and ready! The way we manage our needs whilst staying connected to others is by setting and holding boundaries.
Understanding Boundaries
Boundaries are essential frameworks we establish to communicate our needs, limits and actions to others. Communicating your boundaries is the linchpin to maintaining respect and understanding within any relationship, especially with in-laws during the emotionally charged holiday season. They are the clear message of ‘these are my needs/preferences and what I will be doing to look after myself with the hope that I can also be connected to you’. Holding boundaries includes the message of what actions you will take and when. For example, ‘It is better for our family for the children to have a sleep at home, we’ll be leaving at x time to so that can happen.’ It can also include a preference, for example ‘I prefer to not be involved in conversations about xyz, so I will respectfully remove myself if or when that topic comes up’.
Setting and holding boundaries with extended-family during Christmas is not about building walls but rather about bridging gaps in expectations and comfort levels. It ensures everyone can enjoy the festive season without feeling overwhelmed or disrespected.
Setting Boundaries: A Step-by-Step Guide
1. Reflect on Past Experiences
Start by reflecting on past Christmases. Recognise patterns that may have caused discomfort or tension and use these insights to determine where boundaries would be helpful.
2. Open Communication
Initiate an open and honest dialogue with your partner first. Discuss your needs and how you would like to care for each other’s wellbeing. Approach the challenges as a team, have a plan on when and how you will communicate boundaries and the follow-up actions.
3. Expressing Needs Clearly
When expressing your boundaries to extended-family, clarity is key. Be direct yet respectful, communicate your perspective without criticism or judgement of other and their way of being.
Holding Boundaries in the Face of Resistance
1. Consistency is Key
Once boundaries are set, consistency is crucial. Resistance to change is normal, sometimes it’s a knee-jerk reaction and unintentional. Politely yet firmly reinforce your boundaries if they are challenged or questioned. Long explanations are not necessary or even helpful at that time. Approach resistance and push-back with empathy. Acknowledge their feelings but reiterate the importance of these boundaries for your family's wellbeing.
2. The Art of Negotiation
Boundaries are at times rigid, a hard line is sometimes necessary. Most often, boundaries are a starting point to find a middle ground that respects both your needs and those of the extended family. Negotiation creates a win-win situation for all involved.
Establishing boundaries not only mitigates Christmas holiday stress but also strengthens relationships by building mutual respect and understanding. It ensures that time spent together is quality time, enhancing emotional intimacy among all family members. Turning to Connections is here to guide you through cultivating the skills necessary to maintain these boundaries, ensuring a Christmas filled with more cheer and less stress.
As you embark on your journey towards a relaxing holiday season, we invite you to visit our website to learn more about how we can assist in enhancing your relationships during Christmas and beyond.
Turning to Connections: Your Partner in Relationship Harmony
Our Commitment to Your Peace of Mind
At Turning to Connections, your peace of mind is our priority. We offer a safe space to explore and establish boundaries, so you have the tools to create enjoyable family connections. Phone us now to book your session.