How couples counselling works online (and whether it can work for you)
Online couples counselling is a counselling session held over a secure video call. You and your partner join from home, either side by side or on separate devices, and we work together much as we would in a room. Research comparing video and face-to-face couples therapy has found similar results for relationship satisfaction and for the working relationship with the counsellor (Kysely et al., 2021). Whether it suits you mostly comes down to having a private space, and to how your brains like to work.
If you're not sure about counselling on a screen
Maybe you're wondering if a video call will feel flat. Or whether it will be strange to talk about the hard stuff on the same couch where last week's argument happened. If one or both of you is an ADHDer or autistic, you might also be thinking about eye contact, noise, or the energy it takes to be "on" for an hour.
It makes sense you'd feel this way. Most of us learned that counselling happens in an office, with a box of tissues and a clock on the wall. Trying something different at a relationship turning point can feel like one more unknown.
Like many of the people I work with, I've been through my own turning point this year, and it's part of why I've moved my practice fully online. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I also know how much easier it can be to show up when you're in your own space.
From 1 November 2026, all Turning to Connections sessions are online, with telehealth available across Australia and evening appointments on offer. So I want to walk you through what it actually looks like, and how to tell whether it might suit the two of you.
What happens in an online couples session
Before your first session
You book through my website, www.turningtoconnections.com, using Zanda, a secure and confidential health platform. You'll complete your intake and consent forms there, and before the session you'll receive a link to join the video call.
You don't need special equipment. A laptop, tablet or phone with a camera, a steady internet connection and somewhere private is enough.
During the session
Once we're connected, the session feels a lot like any conversation between three people. We start by getting settled. Then we slow things down and work out what's actually happening between you, whether that's the same fight on repeat, a feeling of drifting apart, or a big change like a late diagnosis or the kids leaving home.
My work is informed by Gottman, EFT, ACT, DBT and attachment theory, through a neuro-affirming lens. In practice that means no one is cast as "the problem". Different brains relate differently, and we look for a shared language that works for both of you.
Sometimes we'll try a conversation differently, right there in your lounge room. That can be surprisingly useful, because you're practising in the place where your real life happens.
Between sessions
Each session usually ends with one small, concrete thing to try before we meet again. It's sized for tired brains and busy weeks, so you're not handed a list of ten tasks you'll feel guilty about later.
Does online couples counselling actually work?
This is a fair question, and the research is encouraging.
A study in Frontiers in Psychology compared couples who had therapy by videoconference with couples who had it face to face. The strength of the working relationship with the therapist didn't differ between the two groups, and it grew over time for both. Relationship satisfaction improved in both groups, and couples rated their satisfaction with the therapy almost identically (Kysely et al., 2021).
Couple therapists have noticed something similar. In a survey of 50 couple therapists who moved online during COVID-19, most said couples responded well to teletherapy, and 74% planned to keep offering it (Hardy, Maier & Gregson, 2021). Those same therapists also named real challenges, such as tech problems and the extra care needed around privacy and safety.
The fair summary is that online counselling can work well for many couples, and it's worth thinking about what would make it work for you.
Why online can suit neurodivergent brains
For many ADHDers, autistic people and AuDHDers, getting to an appointment takes a lot of energy before the session even begins. There's the drive, the parking, the waiting room and the bright lights. By the time you sit down, your tank can already be half empty.
Online removes much of that. You can:
Control your sensory space. Softer lighting, a blanket, a fidget toy, your own comfy chair.
Skip the transitions. No travel time means less chance of running late or arriving flustered.
Choose an evening time. A session after the kids are in bed can be easier to protect than one squeezed into a workday.
Move and look away. Needing to fidget, doodle or look off to the side while you listen is okay. Your brain isn't broken. That may simply be how you focus best.
Video does have its own tiring bits. Researcher Jeremy Bailenson has suggested that video calls can wear us out because of constant close-up eye contact, seeing ourselves on screen, and being stuck in one spot to stay in frame (Bailenson, 2021). He suggests hiding your self-view once you've checked your framing. You can do that in most video platforms, and it's a small change that many people find helps.
Setting up your space: a practical checklist
A little set-up makes a big difference. Here's what I'd suggest before your first session.
Privacy
Pick a room with a door, if you can.
Time the session for when children are asleep, out or well supervised by someone else.
If flatmates or family are home, a fan or white noise outside the door can help.
Tech
Charge your device and test your link about ten minutes early.
One device between you is simplest. If you use two devices in the same room, wear headphones to avoid echo.
Pop your phone on silent and close other tabs.
Comfort
Have water nearby.
Sit a little back from the screen, so faces aren't filling your whole view.
Keep a fidget, notepad or blanket within reach.
After the session
Give yourselves a 10 to 15 minute buffer before jumping back into dishes or emails. A short walk or a cup of tea helps your nervous systems settle.
If the connection drops, we can carry on using another device or platform, or switch to an audio call. In the worst case, we'll reschedule at no extra cost.
When online couples counselling isn't the right fit
Online counselling isn't right for every situation, and I want to be clear about when it isn't.
If you're in crisis or not safe right now, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or call 000 in an emergency.
If there is family violence or coercive control in the relationship, joint couples counselling isn't suitable, online or in person. Being at home together can also make it harder for someone to speak freely. Individual support and specialist services are the safer path. You can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, any time.
If you're looking for an ADHD or autism diagnosis or assessment, a psychologist or psychiatrist is the right starting point.
If there's truly no private space at home, let's talk about it before booking. Sometimes a parked car or a friend's spare room works, and sometimes a different option is better.
One small step for today
Sit together for five minutes. Each of you finishes this sentence: "A video session would feel easier for me if…"
Write down one answer each. Maybe it's hiding the self-view. Maybe it's booking a slot after the kids are asleep. You've just started building the shared language that counselling is all about.
Ready when you are
If you'd like to try it, you can book a telehealth session at a time that suits you both, including evenings.
Frequently asked questions
Do we need to be in the same room?
Not necessarily. Many couples sit side by side on one device. Others join from separate rooms or separate places, which can help if you live apart or work different hours.
What if one of us is keen on online sessions and the other isn't?
That's common. Try the one small step above together, and talk about what would make it feel more comfortable. You're welcome to raise the hesitation in the first session, too.
Is it private?
Yes. Confidentiality and privacy are very important to me. Bookings and forms go through Zanda, a secure and confidential health platform, and everything we talk about is kept confidential within the usual professional limits.
Can I start on my own if my partner isn't ready?
Yes. Individual counselling is available, and many people begin there when a relationship feels stuck or is changing.
Educational content only. Not medical or clinical advice, and it does not create a counselling relationship.
If you're in crisis or need support right now: Lifeline 13 11 14 · 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 · Emergency 000. In the UK: Samaritans 116 123 · Emergency 999.