How to Make More Time for Connection in Your Relationship
Here we are, off to a new year, a time when we reflect on the past 12 months and think about how we would like to experience the next 12. If your 2022 was anything like mine, it was very full! After the lock-downs of 2020 and 2021, life (and busy-ness) has been in full swing. In the last year, I left employment at Relationships Australia to work in private practice full-time, my husband took a major pivot in his career, we got a new puppy and my youngest daughter had a relapse in a chronic-health condition. To top it off, I squeezed in a semester of full-time university. Haha!
I plan on pacing myself this year, to support my health and relationships. I thought I would share with you my top three techniques for staying connected, especially when time is limited, to help you with a great start in 2023.
Small and Frequent Moments of Connection
These are the little things that most people do already. By adding a little focus and the tiniest bit of extra effort, they can be really enjoyable moments. Some easy to implement ideas are:
Saying ‘Good morning’ with a smile and eye contact when you see each for the first time in the morning
Asking with interest what plans they have for the day ahead
Pausing to give your partner a kiss, hug and saying ‘I love you’ before you leave the house
When arriving home at the end of the day, enter the house with your phone put away and make a beeline for your partner. Give them kiss, say ‘hello’, and ask ‘how was your day?’
Ask about the plans that they had mentioned in the morning and listen with interest
Have a Business Meeting Once a Week
A great way to reduce miscommunication, stress and frustration is to get ahead of it by having a ‘business meeting’. In this case I don’t mean the type of business meeting in the song Business Time by Flight of the Conchords. While that is recommended, that content will be covered in another post. If you want to trip down memory-lane for a giggle, or don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the song here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU.
A business meeting in a relationship is short (approximately 30 minutes) where you discuss, plan and organise the week ahead.
This supports equality, strong communication and being a team. It reduces conflict by focusing on problem solving and solution finding. It helps you both to be creative and support each other’s and the family’s weekly goals.
Topics that can be covered are:
Variations to normal work schedule
School excursions or activities that need preparation or extra materials
Appointments booked for the week, eg medical / health, vet, house repairs, counselling
Budget maintenance, eg what bills need to be paid, balance of accounts
Food eg, meals for the week, grocery shopping
Any special events, eg birthdays, anniversary, weekend plans
Create a ‘date’ time once per week
When I discuss ‘dates’ with my clients, most people initially think of going out for a meal on a weekend night. Many couples on the Sunshine Coast don’t have extended family that can babysit, and with many families having relocated to Queensland over the last 2 years, many don’t have a social network established for babysitting exchanges.
Another consideration is the ongoing cost of going out and the care needs of young or unwell children. When my daughter had the relapse in 2022, although she was 16 years old, she needed near constant supervision especially at meal times. Not a lot of romantic dinners out for us! This is where dating your partner gets creative and you make the most of available opportunities. Some ideas to get you thinking are:
Have a backyard picnic, either when young children are napping, have gone to bed in the evening, or if they are a bit older (primary school and above) set them up with a good movie, popcorn and clear instructions that you and your partner are having a date outside and what constitutes an emergency.
Have a romantic movie night in-house. Not just an ordinary ‘spend half an hour flicking through Netflix trying to find something’ kind of night. Plan ahead of time. Choose the movie and add it to your wish-list so it’s easy to find, tidy the room, fluff the cushions, add soft blankets, dim the lights and add some candles and have delicious snacks. Can’t do this in your lounge? Use a laptop, tablet or second TV in your bedroom or other space, even outdoors for that matter!
It doesn’t need to be night-time for a date. Meet for lunch near work, have brunch after dropping the children to school, meet at nearby restaurant for an end day beverage before going home.
Fit it in while already out and about – kids at soccer practice? Either meet there or nearby for a cuppa. Driving teenagers to-and-from casual jobs? Go for a walk on the beach or afternoon tea at a cafe either for the duration of or part of their shift.
Virtual is better than nothing. If covid lock-downs taught us anything, it was that being able to virtually connect was possible and accessible. More than just a phone call, seeing your loved one’s face and expressions supports a deeper bond. As human beings, visual cues stimulate areas of our brain related to empathy and connection. If being in the same physical location is a challenge, make it virtual.
I hope these ideas stimulate some creative and achievable ways that your and your partner can support and connect in your relationship. If you find this helpful or have a great date tip that may help others, please leave a comment on facebook.
Warmly,
Carrie x