What Is ADHD Masking? And Why Does Unmasking Matter?
If you've recently received an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, you might have come across the word "masking" and felt a jolt of recognition. Or perhaps you're still piecing it together, noticing that the version of yourself you show the world takes an enormous amount of energy to maintain, and wondering why you're so exhausted at the end of every day.
Masking is the process of hiding or suppressing neurodivergent traits in order to fit into neurotypical expectations. It's not something you consciously decided to do. For most people, it began in childhood — a survival strategy developed to avoid criticism, rejection, or standing out in ways that felt unsafe.
What masking can look like:
Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable. Scripting conversations in your head before having them. Suppressing the urge to move, fidget, or stim. Laughing along when you've missed a social cue. Working twice as hard as everyone else just to appear as capable. Hiding disorganisation, forgetfulness, or overwhelm behind a polished exterior.
For many late-diagnosed adults, the realisation that they've been masking for decades can be both a relief and a grief. Relief, because suddenly so much makes sense. Grief, because you begin to ask: who am I when I'm not performing?
Why unmasking matters
Sustained masking is exhausting. Research increasingly connects long-term masking with burnout, anxiety, depression, and a fractured sense of identity. When we mask constantly, we lose touch with our own needs, preferences, and authentic responses to the world.
Unmasking isn't about becoming someone new. It's about returning to yourself, learning what you actually need, how you naturally communicate, and what brings you genuine energy rather than draining it.
This process takes time and it isn't linear. Some environments will feel safer to unmask in than others. Some relationships will need renegotiating. And for many people, it involves a period of grief for the years spent in a version of themselves that was never quite real.
What unmasking support looks like in therapy
In therapy, unmasking work might involve exploring the early experiences that made masking feel necessary, gently identifying which coping strategies are genuinely useful and which are simply performing competence for others, and rebuilding a sense of identity that feels authentically yours.
It's slower and quieter work than problem-solving. But for many late-diagnosed adults, it's some of the most meaningful work they ever do.
If you're navigating life after a late ADHD diagnosis and finding that you don't quite know who you are beneath the coping strategies, you're not alone, and you don't have to figure it out by yourself.